WARNING: Exposure to Gas Vapors May Cause Memory Loss

Photo Courtesy: The Bend Bulletin

I love Oregon for many reasons.  One reason is the law that prohibits common people to pump their gas themselves.  No one knows the real reason.  Is it solely to create jobs?  Is it because we need someone smarter and more trained than the common people in the other 48 states that can be allowed to work a gas pump.  (yes I know there are 50 states, but there is one other state with a similar law)

There are 3 things I appreciate about this law despite the drawbacks or backhanded sarcasm.

1. I never have my phone call interrupted.  I just sit in my car, money hanging out the window, and put my caller on mute while jabbering, "Fillerup with Regular"
2. If it's cold or wet out, I don't have to leave my comfortable interior, and keep my tush on the heated leather seat.  I just slip the window down about an inch, and slide the cash or card through the slot and whisper, "Regular.  Fill.  Please"  slide button up, end of transaction.
3. My favorite of all 3.  I definitely appreciate not having to handle the greasy nozzle and having my hands smell like petroleum fuel for the next 4 hours.

But with all these small freedoms I still find a way to complain.  I find one irritating issue with majority of  attendants across the state that makes me want to crawl out of my skin and scream.

Each day, the gas attendant does the same thing, over and over again. 99% of the time the question is exactly the same.  You hand them money in the quantity of gas you desire,and you either request Regular or Premium. Or maybe super premium, if you are super pretentious and aren't in love with your money.Of course they might get thrown off by the occasional question of, "Which way to the interstate?" or "Hey, where can I smoke at the gas station", but overall the task is simple.

How is it possible that each time I disclose my specific preference, in the 30 seconds the attendant walks to the back of my car and puts the nozzle in... they somehow forgot what was just said?  They walk back, and ask, "You wanted regular, right?".

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I think maybe its me.  I will be more clear with my English.  Spit out my gum.  Speak louder.  Write it on the fogged up window.  No matter what I do, the question always is repeated back 30 seconds later.

I begin to suspect this attendant's true motivation. Maybe every time I pull up in my 6 year old Minivan with stickers and scratches throughout, I have impressed the attendant with my choice of premium vehicle and it DEMANDS to be fed with the best gasoline on the market.  Pay no attention to the lack of care to the outside.  This puppy wants the PREMIUM.  Feed me Seymour!!!

It's like there is some conspiracy by the oil companies to upsell the customer every time.  Like at the movie theater.  "Would you like the Massive Size Bathtub of popcorn for an extra $5 sir."  "Would you like to SUPERSIZE that?"  Are these people on commission?

I wouldn't be surprised by oil companies and  conspiracies to coexist, however, most gas stations are franchisee owned, and there are not gas station "shoppers"  who are pulling up and filling out comment cards.  "He didn't try to upsell me"  "His Carhart jacket had oil stains"  "I waited 3 minutes before he came over to help me!".

No way,  the owners are not looking for reasons to fire their employees.  They are just hoping they show up to work each day, sober.  I am too.  And for that... we thank you.